"Why Does My Dog Act Worse with Me?"
It is a common phenomenon in lessons that the owners hand the leash over, and the dog instantly behaves differently. While there is of course something to be said for all of the specific talent and skill had by professional dog trainers, we sometimes observe this change in behavior even between two different owners. There are a handful of reasons why your dog may be on their worst behavior for you alone.
Anxious Dogs and Anxious Owners, Plus Some Myth Busting
I want to start this section with a disclaimer. I myself am a person that experiences a lot of anxiety and has a great appreciation for the power and complexity of mental health. While it is true sometimes that anxious owners convey their anxiety to their dogs and make problems worse, I find that oftentimes anxious owners feel an immense amount of guilt and helplessness about this feedback loop, in which case their awareness of the problem is counterproductive.
There is a line to be walked here. Yes, managing your own human anxiety will likely make you better at handling your dog. You need to have regulating tools on deck such as deep breathing, grounding yourself in the environment, interrupting thought spirals, etc. However, let me tell you these two things:
1. You can be struggling internally and still project the needed vibes and energy to your dog, if you just practice enough. You do not need to be truly healed as a person, calm to your core, in order to be a decent dog handler.
2. I have met many, many dogs who are deeply anxious regardless of who is handling them, and I have met many anxious dogs who have owners who are cool as a cucumber. In other words, Anxious Owner, it is not all your fault. Behavior is nuanced.
So yes, basically if you are a nervous wreck and you have noticed that your dog does much better in the hands of others, you might want to be meditating, talking about your dog in therapy, journaling about your shame, guilt or embarrassment, or whatever action is your preferred path on the Journey of Healing.
"Why Does My Dog Act Worse with Me!?" Owner Asks Frantically in a High-Pitched Voice: Energy and Vibes, Continued
Do you remember when it was trending for the kids to sing, "Is somebody gonna match my freak?" If your dog behaves very differently with someone else, a simple interaction of vibes and energy might be the explanation. There is an ideal energy and vibe match for every personality type:
A pushy, bombastic dog might benefit from a very strong and unflappable energy.
A disinterested, unmotivated dog might benefit from an enthusiastic, playful energy that also isn't too obnoxious or desperate.
A shy, nervous dog may benefit from a gentle, positive energy.
A scared, anxious dog might benefit from a calm, confident leader-type vibe.
The list goes on!
Sometimes good dog training involves a bit of theater. If the dog acts worse with you, ask yourself, how are you acting?
Low Confidence with New People
A dog with behavioral issues such as reactivity may not "show their true colors" when they are essentially feeling shy. Sometimes we can smartly use this to our advantage to form new habits. Other times, we need to wait for a dog to warm up before we can truly work through a problem. Either way, it's lack of confidence that can be to blame for this Jekyll and Hyde act.
"Is He Protecting Me?" Resource Guarding the Owner
A dog may be on their worst behavior with an owner because they are guarding their most precious resource: you! I talk all about resource guarding in this comprehensive guide.
Novelty of Training with Someone New = Higher Drive, Being Biddable
Drive = In this case, motivation to train.
Being Biddable = "Willingness to please."
In Basic Manners group class, if a dog is misbehaving and stressing their owners out, I often try to use that dog as the demonstration dog, so as to give the owners hope. At least half the time, the dog does an excellent job demonstrating the skill.
Is it because I am so magical? Think about this situation from the dog's perspective. "I'm with my old, boring owners, and I'd really rather be playing with all these dogs that are everywhere. Then this new friendly person suddenly walks over and starts handing me these new exotic treats!"
Novelty is sometimes inherently desirable.
Additionally, when interacting with a new person, some dogs are optimistic that the most fun thing possible will happen. (How cute of them, right?) This leads some of them to show off their fanciest manners.
Context for Habit
In dog training, we talk a lot about context. For example, why does your dog sit perfectly in the kitchen, but at the park acts like they've never heard the word "sit" in their life? The context of kitchen versus park indicates a different set of rules to your dog. In other words, your kitchen is associated with a history of meaningful rewards or consequences for your dog, while the park has no such history.
Dogs are prone to developing habits and "returning to old ways" the same way humans are. For any reason, a dog can develop a habit with one handler that does not generalize to another.
Rewards and Punishment
This is the basic principle of dog training but is still worth spelling out. If one handler rewards "bad" behavior, fails to punish undesired behavior, and/or fails to reward the desired behavior, that may be the most basic explanation for what is going on.
What's a real life example? Maybe a husband gets jumped on and barked at by their dog, and a wife does not. This may be driven by the fact that when the husband is distracted, about half the time, he allows jumping and accidentally encourages it by lightheartedly (playfully!) pushing the dog off of them. Even inconsistently rewarding bad behavior can cause a powerful learning experience. (Remember, inconsistently winning while gambling is plenty motivating to many people.)
Dogs Are Very Social Creatures
At the end of the day, dogs are nuanced, social creatures – just like we are, which is part of why we love them. They build different relationships with different individuals. Hopefully this article helps your reflect on the complexities that may lead your dog to behave differently with you.
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Venus and Mars K9 provides in-home private dog training and group class for basic obedience, puppy socialization, trick training, dog sport foundations, leash reactivity training, and other canine behavior problems. We travel most frequently to neighborhoods such as Humboldt Park, Hermosa, Logan Square, Avondale, West Town, South Loop, Downtown Chicago, Ukrainian Village, Bucktown, Wicker Park, East Garfield Park, Fulton Market, North Center, Lincoln Park, Lakeview, Roscoe Village, Irving Park, Portage Park, Oak Park, River Forest, Forest Park, Pilsen, and Bridgeport.
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